i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My bed smells like the plague
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
