i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
