she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
