Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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