Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
