wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
