Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
