Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
