This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
