If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
