I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
