That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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