FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
