My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
