OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
