Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
