I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
