Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
