The maid of honor just puked.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
