Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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