The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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