If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
