my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
