So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
