You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
