i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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