Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
