You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
3 2 1 whiskey
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
