Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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