when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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