Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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