Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
