I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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