i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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