So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
