Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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