you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
