I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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