trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
