So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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