My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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