So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
