Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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