My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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