Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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