Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
