Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
