Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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