Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
