dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Blood and glitter go together right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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