you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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