So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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