i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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