pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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