Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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