i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
