So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
