u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
too bad you live with your parents still
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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