There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
