you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
