By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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