dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
