Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
