D3 body, D1 cock
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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