You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pants are for mortals
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
