Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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