she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
