come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
