did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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