I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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