y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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