She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
