she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
