the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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