Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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