I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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