well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
