Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
