The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
