this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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