i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
